Favourite Quotes

allison said:
Reese: What? What?! Ok I ate the cupcakes you baked for Dewey's class last night......And I took dad's license to make a fake ID......And I can't return your necklace because I already sold it.
Lois: I was just going to say your shirt didn't go with your pants.
Reese (relieved): Oh, whew!

(Hal is waiting for his friend and finally thinks he heard a car. He opens the door).
Hal: Hey, you big Jackass!
(closes the door)
Hal: It was just Mrs Hagaty turning around in that driveway.
I'm ashamed to say I don't recognize those. What episodes were they in?

Edit: Well, I assume Hal's Friend would be obvious for the second one (correct me if I'm wrong), but I think I taped a version of it that removed that quote. As for the first, I still have no idea.
 

yardgames

Retired Administrator
Yeah, the second was Hal's Friend. The first was a cold open, I think it was Stupid Girl. It's harder to remember which episodes cold openers come from because they have nothing to do with the rest of the plot.
 
Here's another good one, from Reese's Apartment.

Francis (on the phone with Hal): Hello. Is this the residence of the most unnurturing, callous parents in the universe?
Hal (to Lois): It's for you.
 

tony_montana

Semper Fidelis
Im not going to say it all out word for word, but it's a phenomenal speech we all forget...
Reese's speech for women near the end of "Billboard". That was classic, and it shows Reese isn't as stupid as people take him to be.:)
 
...until that stupidity was confirmed in Tiki Lounge :) (just kidding, of course).

Here's yet another good quote, this time from Ida's Dance.

Ida: The Saint didn't slaughter the peacemakers on the 15th; he waited 'til the 16th, when they trusted him.
 
D

Deleted member 1693

Guest
I know you wrote it already, but this one's my favorite.

"(Malcolm is supposed to tutor Reese)
Malcolm: This book is totally wrecked. What did you do to it?
Reese: I threw it at a duck.
Malcolm: Then where´s your math book?
Reese: Which half?
Malcolm: We´ll just start with geography.
Reese: I don´t take geography.
Malcolm: Yes, you do. You´ve got a grade in it.
Reese: Oh, that can´t be good. "
 

PBUNDY

New member
Two of my favorite Hal quotes from Butterflies:

Hal: You better eat up, don't you need to be in bed before I go to work?
Lois: Honey, I'm spending some time with my son who I've barely seen in the last week.
Hal: You have 18 years for that, I'm only asking for 10 minutes!

Dewey: You've lied to me. I'm not the smallest kid in my class because of my genetics. It's because I've been stuffed into a bed with Malcolm all my life.
Hal: You don't know that. Could be all the crap we feed you or the chemical plant near the park.:)
 

Amigo22

Super Moderator
Yeah, that was really funny - afterwards Malcolm should have said something like "It's already been discovered, Reese. It's called green" :D
 

Lozart

New member
Aw man I remember all of the ones you guys mentioned!

So funny!

I can't think of any right now, but I will post some later :p

Reese: *at the mailman"
Hey! What are you doing here? This is our territory! You can't just come here! What do you want, huh? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT!? WHAT?! WHAT! WHAT? WHAT! WHAT?

Reese:What do you want I didn't do anything?
Hal: Kobe
Reese: What?
Hal: Kobe beef. I have Kobe beef!
Reese: What no way. Those things cost like $60 an ounce!
Hal: I know. There was a minesweeper tournament at work. 8 years of practicing finally paid off!
Reese: Wow... It's like meeting the pope, except you get to eat him.

Hal: ...yes.. yes!!YESSSSS!! I BEAT YOU! I FINALLY BEAT YOU IN A VIDEO GAME WA-HOO! and you said-
Malcolm: Dad, dad! The point of video golf is to the the lowest score possible
Hal: Oh... Well, good game son.
 
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Lozart

New member
Reese:Hey what am I thinking right now?
Malcolm: I'm smart not psychic!
Dewey: Can you talk to dogs?
Malcolm: No. I can't speak dog...
Dewey: I can :)
 

flipfreak4

New member
oh man...I have like 2000 faves! But off the top of my head:

REESE: Malcolm, I live in a world of ''what the hell''s.
(I think it's from Malcolm Visits College.)

MALCOLM: Dewey. The coolest person in that class..was me.
DEWEY: Okay, I'll do it!
(Dewey's Special Class)

REESE: (holding a hammer) Then I played with Dewey's GameBoy...
(Experiment)

MALCOLM: (showing off his newly pierced tongue) And you know why I did this? Neither do I.
(Ida's Boyfriend)

STEVIE: Can't feel...my legs.
MALCOLM: ...That's not funny.
(Sleepover)

STEVIE: Good...game.
MALCOLM: This...sucks.
STEVIE: You...mocking me?
MALCOLM: No...tired.
(Rollerskates)

MALCOLM: (to Stevie) So, what can you do? I mean, what d'you wanna do?
(Pilot)

CAROLINE: Where's my credit card?.
REESE: It fell out of your wallet.
CAROLINE: How did that happen, it was...
REESE: Come on, let's go.
(Home Alone 4)

FRANCIS: Guys, I appreciate your sentiment...but they're not going to decide my whole future based on how I act on one weekend. It's too arbituary, it's...unreasonable.
MALCOLM: It's Mom.
FRANCIS: Okay let's clean up.
(Home Alone 4)

MALCOLM: Can I have some?
STEVIE: Can't. It's a...prescription...sandwich.
MALCOLM: Prescription sandwich? Stevie, that's not even a good lie! If you don't want to share, just say so.
STEVIE: Don't want...to share.
(Francis Escapes)

REESE: He's cute. I hate him for being cute.
(Convention)

HERBIE: I didn't want to tell you this, Dewey, but if you don't buy me... You'll die.
(Hmm. This is the first one I'm not sure on. Typical. Shame, maybe?)

And of course the two from my signature :)
(I've done all these from memory so they could be misquoted or I wrote the wrong episode. If so, sorry!)
 

gabsy

New member
anyone remember egg from 'Funeral'?

Dewey: His name is Egg.
Hal: Egg?
Dewey: I named him.
Lois: Well you can't keep him, he needs to go home.
Dewey: Okay. :)

:laugh:
 

zsstefanov

New member
I really liked when they were in the Malcolm vs Reese episode and there were lots of cats and... some other things :D into Craig`s house.
Dewey: Who`s Jellybean?
Hal: Oh, that`s another challenge. We`ll make 3 piles. Probably not Jellybean, Definetely not Jellybean and... not even a cat. We will start with that opposum.
Dewey: I think we should call mum.
Hal: I was hoping you`ll say that :D:D:D
 

Sothe52

New member
Only one I remember, haven't seen MitM in a long time.

I don't remember the name of the episode, and someone already quoted part of it, here it is...

Hal:(trying to prove to Malcom he can advertise) (picks up banana skin from trash can) Ba,naaaaana skins, they're niiiiiiiice and thin, the best thing to put your banana in!
Malcom: Dad-
Hal: (holds up jar of jam) Wam, bam, thank you jam, who's gonna love it? yo family am!!
Malcom: Dad!
Hal: (holds up newspaper) neeeeewspaper, keepin' track of your neighborhood raper!
:w00t:
 
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