Favourite Quotes
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Thread: Favourite Quotes

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2005

    Default Favourite Quotes

    I donĀ“t know if there already was a thread like this, but IĀ“d like to know what your favourite quotes from the show are. Some of my favourites are these ones:

    Malcolm: Reese, give me your pocket knife.
    Reese: Ok, but if you miss her, youĀ“ll only make her mader (talking about Lois)

    Malcolm: I canĀ“t believe he could really be gone.
    Dewey: I know...wow, this diaperĀ“s gotta be a five pounder.
    Malcolm: I wish Jamie knew what it was for. ItĀ“s so weird. It seems like all my life I wished that something horrible would happen to Reese. And now that it has I...
    Dewey: Miss him?
    Malcolm: Yeah
    Dewey: I do, too. Remember when he shaved my eye-brows and glued them back on so I looked permanantly surprised? That was genius.
    Malcolm: Remember the pure joy he got on Christmas eve when he was smashing our presents? No matter how hard I tried, I could never make momĀ“s face turn to that special purple color...Reese purple.

    Reese: Let me go, come on. How was I supposed to know your god looks like a monkeyman? YouĀ“re gonna regret this, if my husband finds out, IĀ“ll make you pay. Then youĀ“ll really be sorry.

    Reese: WhatĀ“s that?
    Dewey: My new backpack.
    Reese: ThatĀ“s not a backpack. ItĀ“s momĀ“s purse. Now go back and get something else.
    Dewey: No.
    Reese: Dewey, youĀ“re wearing an invitation to an asskicking.
    Dewey: I like it.
    Reese: Look, I donĀ“t think you understand. Kids like me are dreaming about something like this. We look around the playground. We see normal kid, normal kid, and a kid with a purse. Who do you think is gonna get creamed?
    Dewey: Is one of the normal kids fat?
    Reese: It doesnĀ“t matter, heĀ“s gonna be fat everyday. But the kid with the purse, he might not wear it again.

    (Dewey has a dog he threatens his brothers with and forces them to write essays)
    Dewey: Pencils down. Who wants to read their essay first? Marshmallow? Why donĀ“t you choose?
    (Marshmallow goes to Malcolm and barks)
    Malcolm: 50 reasons why Dewey is the greatest brother in the history of universe and IĀ“m a worthless junk of garbage.
    Reese: Is that what we were supposed to be writing about? (starts erasing his paper)

    (Craig and Reese are sitting next to a fireplace rosting Marshmallows)

    Craig: Alison is nice but I have to say a dateĀ“s better with just 2 people.
    Reese: Can we stop calling this a date?

    Malcolm: Why do we have to go shopping?
    Lois: Because you ruin everything you own. Clothes just donĀ“t magically appear in your drawers.
    Dewey: Mine do.

    Reese: What? What?! Ok I ate the cupcakes you baked for Dewey's class last night......And I took dad's license to make a fake ID......And I can't return your necklace because I already sold it.
    Lois: I was just going to say your shirt didn't go with your pants.
    Reese (relieved): Oh, whew!

    Ida: Pass the rolls
    (Francis licks the bread, squeezes it in his hand and throws it across the table)
    Ida: You think that bothers me? Guess why your soup tasted different when you came back from bathroom.

    (Hal is waiting for his friend and finally thinks he heard a car. He opens the door).
    Hal: Hey, you big Jackass!
    (closes the door)
    Hal: It was just Mrs Hagaty turning around in that driveway.

    (The family is on vacation)

    Dewey (comes out of the houseboat screaming): ThereĀ“s no TV! ThereĀ“s no TV, thereĀ“s no TV!
    Hal (points at the lake): ThereĀ“s our TV.
    Reese: I donĀ“t see a TV.

    Jessica: Ok, get your butts in your beds or IĀ“ll tell everyone (looks at Dewey) that you walk around in your motherĀ“s shoes.
    Dewey: But thatĀ“s a secret!

    Lois: Would you please pass the potatoes?
    Ida: I think you had more than enough potatoes. Does the chair have to break before you stop eating?

    Malcolm: You guys are stupid! I donĀ“t mean that in an insulting way. I mean it in a factual way.

    Dewey: IĀ“ve had it! You guys broke all my stuff.
    Reese: Shut up, Dewey. IĀ“ve got something good going on there and I donĀ“t want you to ruin it.
    Dewey: This is all I have left
    (Reese takes the toy and breaks it)
    Reese: There, now youĀ“ve got nothing to worry about. End of discussion.

    Reese: IĀ“m the one who spit in DeweyĀ“s cereal this morning. I mean...
    Dewey: I drank that milk! I licked the bowl! I hate you!

    (Hal put some thermometers into 2 glasses filled with juice and ice cubes)
    Hal: You know, I discoverd something. ItĀ“s kind of interesting. It appears the circular cubes cool quicker but the other ones last longer.
    Lois: Oh for god sake, would you quit playing around? That is our rectal thermometer.
    Hal: IĀ“m gonna brush my teeth.

    Malcolm: Mom, I hate wearing ReeseĀ“s hand-me-downs. Look at this, jelly in the pocket, the fly is broken and it smells like wet dog.
    Lois: Well you should be glad he only wore it once.

  2. #2
    sullie1505 Guest

    Default Re: favourite quotes

    Wow thats a lot. I can only think of too i like.

    This one is from the cold opener in the episode "Waterpark"
    Hal: Who want to make 5 bucks
    Malcolm: how??
    (background)Loisskocked)Oh my god!
    Malcolm: What did you do?
    Hal: Yes or no, no questions asked
    (background)Loisangry)Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!
    Malcolm: Make it 10
    Hal: Ok, your a good son
    (Hal grabs Malcolm and opens the door)
    (bacground)Loisscreams)OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!
    Hal: Don't worry honey, I got him

    This is another one of my favourites, its from the episode "Baby part 1". I don't know it word for word but i have most of it.

    Lois: Mom, what are you doing here?
    Ida: I'm moving in
    Francis: What! You have a condo, its bigger then this house.
    Ida: It burned down
    Lois: How?
    (Ida puts a lit cigerette on the sofa and lights another one)
    Ida: Its a mystery
    Lois: Well you can't stay here, we can't afford it
    Ida: (points to Piama) You can afford a maid
    Piama: I'm not a maid Ida, I'm Francis's wife
    Ida: Tell the help not to talk to me

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2005

    Default Re: favourite quotes

    See below!
    Need help? Email Me Here

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005

    Default Re: favourite quotes

    Malcolm, Dewey and Reese are lying in their beds trying to find a way to take revenge on their babysitter who made them go to bed at 7.30 pm)

    Malcolm: IĀ“ll think of something. Something mean, something brutal...Dewey, get your pyjamas.
    Dewey: IĀ“m not wearing those!
    Malcolm: Do you want to spent the rest of your life trying to remember what chocolate tastes like?

    Jackie (to Reese): I canĀ“t believe I have to be in the same car as a low-life like you.
    Reese: Oh, IĀ“m a low-life? YouĀ“re the one that spends everyday at lunch sucking on a straw thatĀ“s been under my armpit.

    Ida: Will you open the door or shall I lie in the grass and feed the worms?
    Francis: Great, who opened the gates of hell?

    Hal: Lois, I keep finding your motherĀ“s teeth everywhere. Is she spitting them out or are they escaping?

    Malcolm: (whoĀ“s about to choke in his car): Stevie was right...and so was Reese. This makes it a lot easier. I donĀ“t want to live in a world where Reese is right.

    Reese: Hey Dewey. You know what? IĀ“ve been thinking. You know that I never gave you anything for your birthday?
    Dewey: Yeah
    Reese: Well here (gives Dewey a backpack) Happy birthday!
    Dewey: I already have a backpack.
    Reese: Not like this one. See, this one has a whistle. Why are you flinching? IĀ“m giving you something nice.
    Dewey: But IĀ“m not gonna take it.
    Reese: Here, just hold it.
    Dewey: No.
    Reese (starts yelling): Why wonĀ“t you let me do something nice?! (pushes Dewey into his matress)
    Dewey: I donĀ“t want it!
    Reese: YouĀ“re gonna wear this and thereĀ“s nothing you can do about it!!!

    Reese: You missed the greatest thing. I canĀ“t believe it. They actually gave us fruit to throw at the Krelboynes. What were they thinking?
    Malcolm: DonĀ“t you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
    Reese: No. Besides, I want them to remember whoĀ“s boss. When theyĀ“re living in their mansions with their supermodel wives theyĀ“re gonna know: The guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass. Hey, I had 6 tomatoes to throw at you. Where were you?
    Malcolm: None of your business.
    Reese: But itĀ“s momĀ“s business.
    Malcolm: I ditched school and went to the video arcade. DonĀ“t tell mom.
    Reese: ThatĀ“s closed.
    Malcolm: Not the one at the mall.
    Reese: Wait a second...I CAN smell my own breath.

    (Malcolm is supposed to tutor Reese)
    Malcolm: This book is totally wrecked. What did you do to it?
    Reese: I threw it at a duck.
    Malcolm: Then whereĀ“s your math book?
    Reese: Which half?
    Malcolm: WeĀ“ll just start with geography.
    Reese: I donĀ“t take geography.
    Malcolm: Yes, you do. YouĀ“ve got a grade in it.
    Reese: Oh, that canĀ“t be good.

    Francis (To Ida): Are you insane or just evil? What kind of a complete idiot butters a toast like this? Everone knows itĀ“s INSIDE TO OUTSIDE!
    Ida: You can talk to me about toast when you grow hair in your pants.

    Stevie: Down town...rocks. WhatĀ“s that?
    Malcolm: A stripped car.
    Stevie: WhatĀ“s that?
    Malcolm: A naked man arguing with the wall.
    Stevie: (pointing at something which looks like a porno shop) WhatĀ“s that?
    Malcolm: A nudie book store - with my dad coming out of it.

    (Reese was supposed to spend his weekend in a bus to Canada while his parents were away, but he came back home and made a party which got totally out of control. Now Malcolm, Dewey, Reese and Craig try to pretend that everything was fine while they were away).

    Malcolm (to his parents): Well the weekend was fine. Just a little boring and...actually it was just boring.
    (Craig and Reese are entering the house)
    Craig: Look who IĀ“ve picked up from the bus-station after not have him seen since we dropped him off.
    Reese: Canada was wonderful. I brought bananas back for everybody.
    (They go away)
    Hal: Do you really want to know?
    Lois: Not really.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2005

    Default Re: favourite quotes

    (The phone rings. Lois answers it)

    Lois: Hello?
    (Someone breathes deeply on the other end of the line)
    Lois: Hello?
    (you still just hear someone breathing)
    Lois: Listen you little pervert. This is the 3rd time this week-
    Stevie: Is Malcolm...there?
    Lois: Oh, Stevie, hi.

    Reese: Relax, turn off your brain.
    Malcolm: ItĀ“s not that easy.
    Reese: Sure it is, I do it all the time.
    Malcolm: You canĀ“t just turn off your... Reese? Reese!

    Dewey: WeĀ“ll miss you, grandma
    Ida: Even the little one lies.

    Cop: Just tell me what happened.
    Abe: Ok...we.......were playing.......cards.
    Cop: Ok (to Stevie) letĀ“s start with you.
    Stevie: Well...itĀ“s like...this...

    Lois: I donĀ“t think that we give Reese enough credit. I think that if we gave Reese a little more responsibility he would rise to the challenge. Of course IĀ“m not talking about giving him a key to the house or anything...

    (Reese gives Craig a cake)
    Reese: I think you gonna like this.
    Craig: Yeah yeah, I get it. I put in my mouth, your toe nail clipings are in it, I spit it out and youĀ“ve got it all on video. ItĀ“s been done.

    Francis: You donĀ“t belong here, you belong at home.
    Reese: Alright, fine. Tell me one thing about my life that would be better if I still lived at home.
    (Next scene: Malcolm, Francis and Dewey are coming out of ReeseĀ“s appartment)
    Malcolm: I thought the toilet seat never needs warming argument was pretty good.

    (Francis, Malcolm and Reese try to get rid off some strange guys in their house)
    Francis: You donĀ“t want me to get the cops over here, do you? And IĀ“m sure you wouldnĀ“t want me to tell them who pulled over the watertower.
    Donnie: That was you Francis.
    Francis: Really? So maybe I should tell them about the highway overpass.
    Donnie: That was also you.
    Francis: Car wash? The sink hole!
    Donnie: All you.
    Francis: Oh well, I think you guys want to be in the house and thatĀ“s ok.
    (Donnie closes the door)
    Francis (to Malcolm and Reese): I think we gave them enough to think about.

    Reese: Look, thereĀ“s something you should know. DadĀ“s been sleepwalking every night for the past week. HeĀ“s in the kitchen right now making me Paella.
    Lois: What are you talking about?
    Reese: ItĀ“s because heĀ“s stressed out about picking a present for your anniversary.
    Lois: YouĀ“re kidding.
    Reese: DonĀ“t worry, right know heĀ“ll do anything you say, and he wonĀ“t even remember the conversation the next day. HeĀ“s a good man, treat him right. (wants to go away) Oh, and donĀ“t make him drink out of the toilet. ItĀ“s not as satisfying as you think.

    Malcolm: Hey.
    Classmate: Hey.
    Malcolm: WhatĀ“s up?
    Classmate: WhatĀ“s up?
    Malcolm (to the camera): God, itĀ“s so great to have a normal conversation.

    Lois: You put the baby in the closet?!
    Hal: You left the milk on the table?!

    (Malcolm plays Billiard with a girl he tries to impress)
    Malcolm: Looks like youĀ“re behind the proverbial 8 ball (to the camera) Oh, geez! Proverbial? Maybe she didnĀ“t notice.
    Girl: Malcolm, can you hand me the chock? ItĀ“s right there next to the proverbial cheese dip.

    (Malcolm wears a pretty silly costume)
    Reese: You look so adorable. You know what I love about mediaeval week? You can spot the Krelboynes from super far away. And they jingle when you hit them.
    Hal: Reese! (comes out of the shower) Leave your brother alone (looks at Malcolm) Although you are asking for it.

    Dewey: Maybe we honour Reese the wrong way. Reese wasnĀ“t into helping people and doing good deeds. He loved to smash things and destroy stuff for no reason. If we want to honour Reese, maybe we should think about doing it his way.
    Malcolm: You have something in mind?
    Dewey (shows him a brochure): This kind of caught my eye
    Malcolm: An art fair?
    Dewey: Just think of what Reese would have done with it. TheyĀ“ve got fold dancing, dream catchers, face-painting...
    Malcolm: They are kind of begging for it. I donĀ“t know...
    Dewey: And rapping grannies.
    Malcolm: Let me see that.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006

    Default fave quotes

    hey everyone

    whats your faveourite quote(s)?

    i have two
    in hals birthday when the boys know that francis is coming home and they open the door and reese tries not to act like he knows and goes 'oh my god its francis' lol and my other one is when malcolm is talking to lois about mr herkabe

    malcolm: hes out to get me
    lois:no he is not
    malcolm:yeah he is he even told me that

    i think it goes like that anyway.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2005

    Default Re: fave quotes

    NIce to see you posting but


    We allready have a quotes thread
    , im sure a Mod will merge. Try searching the forum, before posting.
    Need help? Email Me Here

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006

    Default Re: Favourite Quotes

    ohhhh but wasnt that last year? or i cant read oh well atleast you know what they are

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Orlando, FL

    Default Re: Favourite Quotes

    This says it all.

    Reese: Vendetta.
    Malcolm: How could she be so --
    Reese: VENDETTA!!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Dorset, England

    Default Re: Favourite Quotes

    (Reese punches Dewey)
    Reese: And there he was just staring at me!! Come on dewey, i've got so much to show you!!
    I'm nearly up to 400 posts!!

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