Untitled fan fiction
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Thread: Untitled fan fiction

  1. #1
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    Post Untitled fan fiction




    This is a fan fiction i started writing during class one day:

    [the scene opens up with Jamie holding a dead rat and Reese walks in and sees Jamie]

    Reese: (gasps) This is the moment I've been waiting for!

    [a little while later you see Dewey playing piano and Jamie is sitting on the kitchen table with his dead rat. Reese meanwhile is standing a bit farther back from the table examining how Jamie looks when Lois walks in]

    Lois: Reese what are you doing?
    Reese: Training Jamie to be a star...
    Lois: You're out of your mind. (Takes Jamie)
    Reese: No! You can't just take him from me. I loved that rat!
    Lois: Yes I can and I will.
    Reese: (takes the rat from Jamie) [Jamie starts crying]
    Lois: Oh for heavens sake.
    (Malcolm walks in)
    Malcolm: (to camera) So, Reese has been on this I have to find the right moment and I'll have my inspiration for my life thing. We still have no clue what he's talking about. (turn back onto the scene) What's going on here? (Looks from Reese to Jamie)

    .....to be continued.....
    could you please give me some feedback on this thanx


    Dewey: Are you really gonna put up a formation of flying zombies
    Hal: No I just drew them because they looked cool.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    Well for one thing, from these three lines

    [a little while later you see Dewey playing piano and Jamie is sitting on the kitchen table with his dead rat and Lois walks in]

    Where is Reese in that description? The next line is:

    Lois: Reese what are you doing?

    So I am not sure how Reese fits into this scene?

    Then you start talking about how Reese wanted someone to be a star, the rat? I dont understand at all whats going on, Lois takes Jamie away from sitting on the table and Reese complains about the dead rat and how he was going to make it a star, no clue whats going on.

    Lois: (Takes the rat from Jamie and gives it to Reese)

    Just saying, this would never happen in the real show, why would Lois encourage him?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    Quote Originally Posted by ultimatemalcolmfan
    This is a fan fiction i started writing during class one day:

    [the scene opens up with Jamie holding a dead rat and Reese walks in and sees Jamie]

    Reese: (gasps) This is the moment I've been waiting for!

    [a little while later you see Dewey playing piano and Jamie is sitting on the kitchen table with his dead rat and Lois walks in]

    Lois: Reese what are you doing?
    Reese: Training him to be a star...
    Lois: You're out of your mind. (Takes Jamie)
    Reese: No! You can't just take him from me. I loved that rat!
    Lois: (Takes the rat from Jamie and gives it to Reese)
    Reese: Finally, my precious. [Jamie starts crying]
    Lois: Oh for heavens sake.
    (Malcolm walks in)
    Malcolm: What's going on here? (Looks from Reese to Jamie)

    .....to be continued.....
    could you please give me some feedback on this thanx
    Yeah its a good start, although I am not to fond of the Malcolm entrance line, I am not sure he would say "What's going on here" perhaps just walk in growning about something, or introduce to the camera the link between Reese and the Rat or something like that.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    I don't get it at all.
    What are they doing with a dead rat? Who is gonna be a star?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    i think he has only done the very very first few lines. He'll need alot more than that to make any story line up

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    Sorry if I'm being rude...but I don't understand...I'm really confused
    In a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly crazy -Homer Simpson

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    That was just something I came up with in class. I'm not done at all it was really just a rough draft. I'll have to go back and change a few things. one more thing i'm not a guy
    Dewey: Are you really gonna put up a formation of flying zombies
    Hal: No I just drew them because they looked cool.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    I edited my story. Does it sound better?
    Dewey: Are you really gonna put up a formation of flying zombies
    Hal: No I just drew them because they looked cool.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    ...continued fanfiction...
    Dewey: Jamie had a dead rat.
    Malcolm: Oh....(takes Dewey over to the side) We have to be very careful with this. This is a very delicate situation for both of them.
    Dewey: Got it.
    Malcolm: One more thing go grab the english muffins.
    [Dewey goes and grabs the english muffins]
    Malcolm: Reese, we have something for you....(nods to Dewey)
    Dewey: Does Reese want an english muffin?
    Reese: English muffin! (goes to grab for it)
    Malcolm: Ah ha ha- drop the rt and you get the muffin.
    Reese: (looks mournfully at the rat and pretends to drop it and grabs the enlgish muffin and runs off)
    Dewey: Hey, he got both!
    Malcolm: Ah, crap!
    [Jamie starts crying even louder]
    Lois: Oh, Jamie it's ok. It's just a stupid rat. (Takes Jamie to the other room)
    Dewey: Are you really gonna put up a formation of flying zombies
    Hal: No I just drew them because they looked cool.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Untitled fan fiction

    Just saying, but I would never expect Lois to give the rat back to Reese.

    I would expect her to take away the rat and dispose of it.

    Why encourage Reese?

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