Publix Stories

One day, a guy walked into the Publix in Easley, South Carolina. He was a 40 ish year old, pretty smart, but sometimes could act completely stupid... like today.
The man entered Publix whilst it was raining feriously outside. He decided to shop for his groceries while he waited for the rain to die down outside. He shopped for an hour, and he got ready to check out. He went to the registers up front. He noticed it was still raining. Not so bad as before, but it was still raining none the less.
So, he put his stuff on the register anyway and started to check out. The bagger asked a simple question:
"Paper or plastic?"
The man just stared at the bagger, like he didn't hear the question. The bagger looked back at the man, wondering if the man heard him. Finally, after about seven second of awkward silence, the man said:
"Paper."
The bagger looked at the man with a weird expression on his face.
"Sir," the bagger said, "it's raining outside, and if you take paper bags they will tear in the rain water."
The man looked at the bagger for a second, then said:
"No they won't."
The bagger looked straight back.
"Yes they will, sir," the bagger said.
"No they won't," the man said.
The bagger gave up. He just did what the man wanted and put his items in paper bags. The man paid, took his few bags, and headed outside. The bagger, who was curious as to what would happen, looked out the big window at the front of the store. The man ran outside into the rain, which had started up again. His car was a few yards away deep in the parking lot. The bagger kept watching, and after the man had been in the rain for fifteen seconds...
one of the paper bags tore in the rain.
And there went the man's eggs.
The bagger just laughed.
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Wasn't that a funny story? A little background...
my older brother works at our local Publix, and stories like these are true accounts of stuff he has seen take place. In fact, in this story, my brother was the bagger. He told me this actually happened about two weeks ago(it's still hard to believe). He has got alot of interesting stories, so if you guys are interested, Ill get him to tell me more and Ill post them right here.

LOL, I kept expecting something amazing to happen. Like it magically stopped raining as soon as the man stepped outside or something.

Umm, what's a Publix? I thought it was a typo and you meant Public stories and we were gonna hear about people peaing on the sidewalk or something.

Publix is a grocery store in the south. They have a lot of them in Georgia and Florida (and apparently South Carolina as well.)

LOL, people peeing on the sidewalk in public. Now that would make for an interesting story.

Lol, sorry, I don't have any of people peeing on a sidewalk.
But like Christina said, Publix is a grocery store chain in the south(their homebase is where I used to live...Lakeland, Florida!). Since you are a yank, Sam, I didn't expect you to know about it. Anyways, these stories are just things Ive heard from my brother and his friends who work at the store.
If you guys are interested, I got more Publix stories.

Ok, I'm not a Yank. J's a Yank. I'm just a good ol' Midwesterner.

Oh, I thought you were from Minnesota or something.
Anyways, it's getting a little late right now and Im about to log off, but tomorrow Ill tell another one of my brother's stories from Publix.

Oh goody I can't wait. And I'm from Wisconsin. That's why it says Wisconsin next to my name on every one of my thousands of posts.

@Sam- Oh, right. Sorry.
Anyways, here's another installment in the Publix stories that my brother told me not too long ago.
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It was a nice day at the Easley, South Carolina Publix grocery store. In the middle of that day, though, all peace was somewhat shattered.
A weird looking man entered the store. What made the man weird was that he was wearing sunglasses....on a cloudy day when the sun wasn't shining, and the man's hair and beard was strange looking, like it was fake or something.
Turns out, it was.
The man entered the store and grabbed a hand carrier like any customer would. The man went down some aisles, but didn't put anything in his carrier. He was walking slow, looking back and forth and looking behind himself every so often. The man then went to the meat stands in the back, where packaged meat was kept in open refridgerators. The man looked for the finest meat and put in in his carrier, filling it to the max. He then walked to the front of the store. Like any of the employees, two workers, a cashier and a bagger, told the man he could check out at their lane. They just smiled and waited for the response.
What they didn't know was that the man had no intention of paying.
The man put the carrier with the meat under his arm like a football and dashed for the exit door. The workers were too stunned to react and they just watched as the man ran outside and made it to his car. He promptly sped off. The security man monitering the security cameras made it outside just in time to see the man speed off. Unluckily, the security guy couldn't make out the license plate.
About a week later, a man entered the Publix store. He was wearing sunglasses and a fake beard, mustache, and hair.
It was the "meat burgler", as he had been dubbed by employees.
Amazingly, he waltzed in without anyone recognizing him as the man who had just ripped them off a week before. The man grabbed a carrier and went straight to the back of the store to the meat section. He once again grabbed the finest meat that was being sold. He put it in the carrier and walked to the front of the store. When he got to the front, the two workers who had seen him the week before saw him again. They suddenly realized it was "the meat burgler".
They were too slow, though.
The man grabbed the carrier like a football and dashed to the door and vaulted outside. The security guy was faster then the week before and he ran outside after the man. Alas, though, he was once again too slow for the burgler, and the burgler sped off before the security guy could do anything.
About a week and a half later, a man entered the Publix store wearing sunglasses and this time sporting no fake hair on his head, even though he did have on a fake mustache and beard.
It was "the meat burgler".
He took a carrier and started for the back of the store where the meat was kept.
This time, though, his luck ran out.
A employee regognized him and ran to the security office and warned the security guy. The security guy knew nothing could be done until they were absolutely sure the man was stealing something. So they waited.
Minutes later, the man came back to the front of the store, holding his carrier and the finest meats that were being sold. He walked faster and faster. The employees watched him out of the corner of their eyes. Suddenly, he grabbed the carrier like a football and dashed to the door.
The security guy was right on him.
As soon as the man started running, the security guy ran out of the security office with two other employees and gave chase. They were right on the burgler's tail, and the security man launched himself at the burgler's legs.
The burgler crashed to the ground.
And so, the police were called in and the "meat burgler" was taken away.
It was later discovered that he had stolen over 500 dollars in fine meats from the Publix store.
At least his reign of tasty terror was over.
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Lol, I couldn't believe this story when my brother told me a while back, but it is true, and was even in our local newspaper. If I can, Ill get a picture or so from the newspaper and post it here(Ill try to get the article, too).

You can't get a picture of yourself let alone a burgular. Interesting story indeed. But I have a question: What's a carrier, in Wisconsinite terms?

Yeah, you should go do something that will get your pict in the paper so you can finally post it here for us. Was your brother one of the employees who helped catch the guy?

Allow me to traslate for those who don't speak dixie. A carrier is one of those plastic, hand-held grocery baskets.

Why don't you just call it a basket then? Are shopping carts called shopping carts down south?

The hand-held things are called both baskets and carriers. I usually call them baskets, but I've heard them called carriers too. Shopping carts are called baskets too, even though they're much bigger and have wheels.

@Christina- Thanks for translating for the Wisconsinite.
And no, my brother wasn't one of the people who helped get the burgler. It was the security man and two of the bigger employees who gave chase and saved some meat from being stolen.