Malcolm's Life: My Experience
I don't expect anyone to read or even see this post that I'm about to write. Based on just a quick browsing of this forum I think the last post was several months ago and this forum is virtually dead. Nonetheless, I'm writing about my thoughts of this final episode for several reasons namely because I'm ecstatic to find a venue where I can share my views and feelings of the similarities that I see between myself and Malcolm, his mom's expectations and his future life path to become President.
I'm not a diehard Malcolm in the Middle Fan. To be quite honest, if I was watching the show I would only be watching it to kill time; I don't think it's that great a T.V. series; I'm more into shows on Adult Swim or HIMYM (though that's been sucking for a while). But this one episode and specifically Lois's speech to Malcolm is the most inspiring speech I've ever heard in my life and speaks more to me than any speech (yes, I'm talking compared to Dr. King's "I Have a Dream Speech" or FDR's Speech to America after the bombing of Pearl Harbor). Every time I hear the speech I do tear up and take deep breathes. That's how much his mom's speech influences me.
Why you might ask? Because listening to Lois's speech make me feel like some higher power is talking to me; that someone out there is telling me that all the experiences I have gone through are purposeful and meant something and just a part of making me the best version of myself.
I have a nonexistent relationship with my mother; there's probably a lot less drama since my life's not a TV show at least to my knowledge lol, but still our relationship has been marred with fighting, abuse, her general mental instability, which would give Lois a run for her $$, and may in fact beat Lois because my mom never made such a profound speech to me or ever offered me such wonderful advice. She's frankly been a major fuck up and let down my whole life especially during times when I needed her love/protection/understanding, which I'll get to. I know that Malcolm's grandma is considered a monster and I'm fortunate in that I never had grandparents like her plus the fact that they lived 1000s of miles away from me, but my relatives are vile scum who have been very bad towards me. Sneaky cunts would be putting it politely when describing them and their nastiness towards me. My relationship with my father from what I observe like Malcolm is the best relationship that he has and I'd say it's true for me to it's not great, but it's the most tolerable one. My relationship with siblings has its ups and downs like Malcolm.
So in the family sense I can understand when Malcolm says to his mom I've been suffering my whole life as in living with people who he doesn't get along with it, feels resentful towards and feels generally screwed over by them; I can understand those feelings and then seeing the job offer where he can cash out and make big $$$ as the golden opportunity to a better life (freedom, independence, etc...) Frankly, that's what I always wanted to do ever since I was 16 leave "home", my "family", which I've gradually grown deeply resentful and uncaring towards, and make my own life and build my own path; I can understand those feelings sincerely and the fact that Malcolm's mom is stealing this opportunity from him besides her very dominating nature from what I gather from watching several episodes, which I can also understand, yes, her interference would in fact piss me off a lot to; I'd frankly not give two fucks and the moment I turned 18 I'd find a job that paid me even 1/2 the $$$ he was getting.
But that's not the only thing I can relate and frankly not even the most important thing, because the most important thing I get from Lois's speech to Malcolm is her sincere plead to Malcolm that his experiences in college will shape him profoundly and make him one of the greatest President's in U.S history. I'm 22 years old and about to graduate from one of the world's most prestigious universities akin to Harvard; I originally began college at my state university which is still a respectable school, but nothing compared to the institution I'm about to obtain a degree from. I always was and still am a good student and a good person and have always maintained those qualities from a young age; it's actually ironically I'm saying this because I was just telling one of my friends how when I was growing up I was put in Special Education because my teacher was an incompetent moron and thought I was stupid (lol way to go dumbass). I was a good student in HS, was involved in clubs and activities, did well in school, and ended up in my first college; because I had no chance in hell of getting to my current school (I applied but got rejected). I was actually told by admission counselor from my college that I could never get into my school or a school like mine. Anyway, I worked my ass off at my first college even though I was depressed most of the time because I yearned for things I was not getting (a fun school, chance to meet girls, escape my screwed up home life), though in fairness I think a lot of my depression could've been resolved if I was more social and active; I wanted more in life and I wanted to make big $$$, which I realized going to a good school would help me achieve, so I took a full course load studying Economics, doing an internship at a prestigious company plus one at a brokerage house before college, which I obtained again through my own merit and hard work (I was the only intern who was not related to anyone at either companies), I was involved in several clubs and activities, wrote superlative essays, obtained great recommendations applied to 10 very prestigious colleges and voila... got rejected by everyone of those schools.
I didn't let that deter me; I changed my tactics; I listened and implemented new advice that I got from students who successfully transferred schools, drove several hours through a violent storm (hail and lightning) just to meet an admission counselor; I rewrote my entire application and applied to only college once more (my parents had doubts in me that I would make it into such a prestigious school; in fairness, I can't blame them since I had already went through 2 admission rounds where I got accepted to nowhere I truly wanted to go/that was considered "prestigious" by society's standards. Plus I was blowing a lot of their $$ away).
I got accepted to that school (my school). I am the only person ever in my family (immediate and extended) to go here or attend a school as prestigious as mine.
And like Malcolm when he was accepted to Harvard, I was ecstatic that my hard work and persistence and tremendous efforts finally paid off. I thought to myself finally the suffering I felt at home and in my original college was about to come to a close.
I can only assume what Malcolm’s mother says is true about his experience about Harvard, because I had to suffer here every day and get my heart broken a trillion times till I reached a point where I gave up everything I ever believed in, ever thought was right, ever had views towards and change till I wouldn't be able to recognize myself if I were looking 3 years back from when I first started here.
Having learned the importance of being proactive and social from my early college days and frankly childhood (I grew up lonely with few friends), I put myself out there. Unfortunately, I met all the wrong people in my school and got in with the wrong crowd; it wasn't my choosing, but it kind of ended up like that (people in my school in general are screwed up; it's true what they say $$$$ makes people messed up plus going to such a top school blows a person’s ego out of proportion). My first semester here I lived in a dorm with people who hated my guts; I too in fairness made mistakes and did things which were not thought out properly, but at the end of the day my intentions and nature was and has always been pure and even though I genuinely wanted to be friends with these people and other people in my school and carry on lifelong friendships with people I met here they just didn't like me because at the end of the day I've come to learn that some people just don't like you and you can’t let that stop you from being yourself or being the best you that you can possibly be. I got involved with real scumbag people who betrayed me and poisoned others to hate me; I remember one of them was so bad to me that he attacked me several times and I ended up getting in a mess with the judicial system which ended up being cleared when I talked with the police who straightened that sociopath out. I can't begin to tell you all how many times I suffered from anxiety attacks, tension, mental anguish, stress; I didn't even know what PTSD was then, but I had it because I went completely nuts my entire time here albeit now I'm about to graduate things are finally starting to look up for me. I can't even begin to tell you all the stress and misery my family had to endure especially my father who I can now understand and finally see has always cared for me and wanted the best for me as he saw me, his child, utterly dejected and broken as a human being. I was completely lost is putting it mildly; I was just broken in every definition of the word for the 2 years I've been here (emotionally, psychologically). I met a girl who I was completely in love with and felt finally God has put some happiness in my life after I've endured so much misery; turns out after meeting her I forgot to get her # because again I was just so fucked up and confused and broken completely. I was so dejected that looking back it's a miracle I wasn't suicidal back then and I'm eternally grateful I didn't do anything irrational because of all the stress. I remember crying myself to sleep every day my first semester here and God knows how many times afterwards; I remember peeing in my pants numerous times out of fear and thinking to myself why the fuck does God let this happen to me and yearning so deeply for my mother's love, which I never got any time before or during this time. I remember many more terrible experiences here some which involved the law, but I think you all have gotten the picture by now.
It's only till I took some time off for myself to get my head straight and take a few courses back home that I was able to recuperate a little bit (my home life's never been good/always a chaotic mess because of my mom), but more than that at my therapist's advice I began meditating, which lead to praying and those two things have had an unbelievable influence on my life (I'm writing this at 3AM which only proves it). I finally after 9 months of continuous praying and meditation have achieved tremendous gains in terms of my confidence, mental balance, will power and mental strength; I'm only 22 yrs. old but I know this much that whatever problems come my way I will surmount every and all of them by being disciplined, focused and always allotting some time to God. I can't begin to describe to each and every one of you how much doing these two simple things changed my life completely. Words cannot even describe it.
So here we are today and here's what I can tell you about my own experience now that I'm about to graduate. Like Malcolm, my experiences have made me want to do something more out of life; my father told me I should go to law school and become lawyer so no one fucks me and plays games with me lol, but more than that I want to do something meaningful with my life. Now, I'm not saying I'm a Jesus Christ figure and want to become the next Mother Teresa; no I don't want to that right now. At this point in my life, I want to graduate from my college, get my degree and obtain a high paying job. However, that's not what I truly want out of life; what I truly want out of life is to do something meaningful and have a career where I will have a very positive influence on humanity, because my experiences as Lois said to Malcolm made my heart bigger; my experiences even though I was framed for crimes, even though I was blackmailed, even though I was despised, physically assaulted, discriminated against (I'm not white), poisoned against God knows how many times opened my eyes, heart and soul to the world; yes, I can say now without a single regret that I am a better person because of my experiences, that I am a better son to my father and mother, that I am a better individual to myself and better citizen to society; I know who I am and the person that I am inside and I know that nothing and no force out there can break that in me. I may have went through this fucking hell hole full of deranged psychopaths, but at the end of the day the fact that I can look at myself in the mirror and be extremely proud of my accomplishments and the person I am inside surmounts all the pain I've experienced here. And trust me, pain and suffering is one thing I never ceased experiencing.
I'm dabbling with a lot of career options in the future; I am thinking of going to law school and becoming and eventually trying to become a judge and as Lois said a good one because I've been suffering my entire life and can understand the lives of people; the thought of me becoming a U.S Senator puts a huge smile on my face despite what has happened in my past. But like I said I'm only 22 and those types of achievements are a long way to come.
I guess my final message to Malcolm and overall thought to this whole debate about whether Lois loves her children is an unequivocal yes. I wish I could tell Malcolm that your mother loves you tremendously and I believe that he knows this based on his graduation speech about family and quoting Paul McCartney out of respect and love for his mother. Above all, I'm convinced people like Malcolm who've experienced the ugly side of life become our greatest leaders because they understand the suffering of others; they understand people's problems and fight ceaselessly and uncompromisingly for their rights. That's the leader I hope to become one day.