Cold Open Transcript

I would really appreciate it if someone could possibly transcribe the cold open that was originally shown on the episode from season three "Charity." It makes me mad that when they show Malcolm in the Middle in syndication they usually cut out the cold opens and this is one of the only ones I haven't seen yet. It has something to do with Hal getting into Lois' shower, but that all I know. Thanks in advance!

Here you go

(Hal comes into the Bathroom)

Hal: Lois, are you about done in there?
Lois (from shower): No.
Hal: You have to get out, I’m late for work.
Lois: Hal, I’m not cutting my shower short because you can’t get out of bed in the morning!
Hal: I could get up just fine if somebody didn’t turn off my snooze alarm!
Lois: That’s a lie; it went of every six minutes for an hour!

(Hal pulls back the shower curtain)


Lois: What are you doing?
Hal: I’m getting in Lois.
Lois: You are not! You’ll get your shower when I’m finished

(Lois pulls shower curtain closed again. Hal pulls it back open. They go back and forth, then finally just stand there staring at each other. The scene cuts to the bedroom where Hal is in bed (with Lois) talking on the phone.)

Hal: I don’t think I can come in today. I’ve got a pretty severe fever, scratchy throat, cough (fakes a cough)…

Cut to opening credits

I remember that cold open... that was funny

Thank you so much for posting that!

maybe you can help me, too?
i missed a cold open with francis and a washbasin
it was in season 3, I think......

That was from Clip Show in Season 3. It was just Francis in the scene, so there was no speech apart from him going "ARGH!"