Weirdest story on earth

tony_montana

Semper Fidelis
*NOTE-I have no idea why I wrote this..guess it was for fun!:D I thought it was funny so I posted it here. Enjoy!

It was Sunday at the Wahalla Publix supermarket. The day was almost(well,already) at it's end, as it was 11:35 p.m. Almost closing time for Bill and Bob.
Then it was all screwed up.
About 11:36, a slightly unhinged looking man entered the store. By his looks, he was clearly drunk as a skunk. The man staggered around the front of the supermarket but finally found his way to the back...after about 10 minutes. Bob and Bill both walked a short distance behind the man, keeping an eye on him. The man stumbled to the bakery section, where Mary the baker was selling the day old dounts for 50 cents a piece. The man took one from her open bakery window. He didn't pay. Bill and Bob followed the man as he then turned and started walking toward the fresh meats section of the supermarket. He stopped at an open lobster water tank, which had four big lobsters swimming around. The man, like any other drunk, was enticed and put his finger in the tank. Bill decided this was enough, and walked over to the man.
"Excuse me, sir," Bill asked, "Can we help you with anything?"
"Neeyah,"said the man.
Bill stood for a second before the man held up his donut, which missed a section.
"Opps, looks like someone bit in too my donut," the man uttered. He then leaned toward Bill.
"You wanna know who did it?" The man said in a low voice. The man looked around to make sure no one was watching or listening and then he leaned in even closer to Bill.
"It was ME," the man said in a whisper.
Bill looked at the man with a dumbfounded expression as the man leaned back and had a look of someone who had revealed a giant secret.
"Better call the FBE," the man said.
"Umm, no sir, I think you need to leave," Bill said.
"Fine, I washt leaving anywho," the man uttered.
Bill led the man back to the front of the store with Bob trailing behind. The journey took five minutes since the man kept staggering into stuff on the shelves and kept grabbing things he was supposedly going to buy. They finally made it to the front where the checkout was located. The man stumbled toward one of the lanes. He stood at the end of the lane like he was waiting in line.
"Umm, sir, we can check you out. No one else is here," Bob said.
"I can see that. I wush just balancing my*BURP* luggage...i mean, baggage..i mean, shtuff," the man said. He then stumbled to the cashier. He dropped all his items on the floor except for his donut.
"Um, what about that stuff, sir?" Bill asked.
"Huh? That craps not mine," the man uttered.
"You were just holding all of it," Bill said.
"I want the donut, buddy boy howdy," the man said in his drunken matter. Bob rang up the donut.
"That'll be 50 cents, sir," Bob said. The man then fumbled around his pockets. He kept rattling change around.
"I...know..I got...oh, screw it," the man said. He got a handful of change and dumped it on the cashier counter. The change was comprised of nickles, dimes, and a quarter.
"That should do it, goodnight and shleep tight or something," the man uttered. Bob looked at the change.
"Uh, sir, Im sorry, that's only 49 cents," Bob said. The man looked at Bob quizically for a second. He then leaned in close to Bob.
"I got a friend who will be here in the morning and he'll give you a shent," the man said in a quiet voice."Do you wanna know his name?" the man added.
"Um..sure, what is it?" Bob asked.
"Marvin the martian!" The man whispered in an excited tone. Bob rolled his eyes.
"Ok, look, why don't you just take the donut and Ill pay the last cent, sir," Bob said, clearly ready to rid himself and Bill of this pesky man. The man smiled smugly.
"I thought youd schee it my way," the man said in a smug tone. He took his donut and stumbled out of the store. Bob and Bill watched him as he stumbled into the parking lot and on the sidewalk on his way home, whistling the theme to Loony Tunes all the way.
THE END
*soo...was it funny? I just made this up earlier and decided to type it here. Hope everyone thought it was funny!:D
 

tony_montana

Semper Fidelis
Thanks, han. I am actually thinking of writing a brand new MITM story to post! What does everyone think about that?
 

yardgames

Retired Administrator
I'm sorry, I should reply. I started reading the story, and then I fell asleep. :D It wasn't because the story was boring, it was because I was trying to read the forums when I should have been taking a nap--I fell asleep on the post I read after that too. :D Anyhow, the part I read was indeed very random. How in the world did you think of the grocery store premise?
 

tony_montana

Semper Fidelis
I chose a grocery store because it seemed normal and it's kinda funny to see something like that happen that late at night when the store is just about to close for the evening. Also, I partly took this from a true story my older brother told me(he works at the Publix here where we live). He told me that a drunk guy came in the store late one night and didn't really cause trouble but was acting very weird. And believe it or not, the donut thing, according to my brother, is true.:D
 

han_keep_smilin

New member
tony_montana said:
Thanks, han. I am actually thinking of writing a brand new MITM story to post! What does everyone think about that?

I would love that! i love reading your stories:D they make boring days seem much better:)
 
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