----------------------- Page 1----------------------- 114 BOTS AND THE BEES TRANSCRIPT The boys are searching he hose for qarers o spend a he arcade. Maco: I go one! Reese: I go one! Maco: Okay, give e he ape. Dabney: Wha if we ge cagh? Maco: Don' worry abo i. No one's hoe. Dabney: I ced i p o he bes par. Maco: I hogh his was porno. Dabney: Ew! No. This is beer. Sevie: And no one's... excded. Maco: Coe on, his is he aes hing I've... Oh, y God! Is ha rea? Dabney: I's an open copeiion. Peope bid kier robos, p he in a ring and see which one coes o aive. Maco: Kier robos?! TC: I can' beieve i. Finay soehing coo abo being sar. o Kreboynes I wish we cod do ha. Loyd: We were hoping yo'd say ha. Here's he dea: We wan o ener he copeiion. We've go he designs, we've go he desire and we're no disraced by any kind of socia ife. Eraserhead: The ony probe is ha or parens wod never aow s o bid soehing ha dangeros. Tha eans we need a pace wih a oa ack of caring ad spervision. Maco: Tha's y hose! B... hose hings ook reay expensive. Eraserhead: No probe. My faher ries o by y ove. A: cheering Oh, yeah! Sevie: Who's yor... daddy? Ha: Wha are he odds, hh? Of Francis having an eergency appendecoy wo onhs afer sing he sae excse o dich schoo? Lois: We, he was never very cky. Oh, I need yo o ca work and e he I won' be coing in. Ha: Wi do. car horn honks Lois: We, here's y cab. she and Ha kiss Wha's ha a abo? ----------------------- Page 2----------------------- Ha: A ie soehing o reeber e by. Lois: Yo know, i js occrred o e ha we have no been apar for one nigh in 18 years. Yo going o be okay wih ha? Ha: in baby voice: I hink I can anage wiho y oy for a few days. Lois: I od yo ha baby voice creeps e o. Ha: Sorry. Spanger: We, Cade I see yo srvived. Francis: Yes, sir. Spanger: I brogh yo a ie soehing o ake yor ind off he pain. This is a good opporniy for yo o cach p on yor hoework. Take i fro e, a enghy hospia say is he perfec environen o focs yor ind and aack weaknesses in yor characer. If i hadn' been for his hods p ar wih hook I never wod've earned conversaiona French. Carry on. Finey: aking books off Francis’s ches Sorry, an. I was his cose o going edieva on hi. Yo feeing okay? Francis: I fee ike I have a bey f of broken gass. Every ie I breahe in, I aos pass o fro he pain. This is he singe greaes hing ha has ever happened o e. Finey: Wha? Francis: For as ong as I can reeber, y o has been orring e wih gi. I've never been abe o figh back b his is perfec! Her firsborn chid aos dies 1,000 ies fro hoe and she's he one who sen e here. She can' disiss i, she can' arge abo i she can' wis i arond and ake i y fa. I's beaif! groans Finey: Dde... yo aos died. Francis: I wan yo o say ha again when she ges here. Oh, his poor woan has no idea wha she's waking ino. Maco: Okay, Mo's ony going o be gone for abo for or five days, so we have o prioriize. Wha are yo asking Dad for? Dewey: I wan o wear y pajaas o schoo. Reese: I' geing a scope for y BB gn. Maco: Yo don' have a BB gn. Reese: No ye. ----------------------- Page 3----------------------- Maco: Okay. B since I' asking o bid a kier robo I shod go firs. Reese: Why? Maco: Becase anyhing afer ’kier robo' is going o sond reasonabe. Dad? Ha: Yeah. Maco: A cope friends and I wan o expore or engineering and achining skis... Ha: Sonds grea. Maco: So, ... yo hink i'd be a righ if a bnch of Kreboynes and I bid a robo in he hose? Ha: Yeah, fine. Maco: TC: Whoa, ha was easy, even for hi! ponding on door Ha: For crying o od. opens door and Craig grabs hi and hgs hi Craig: Be srong. Lois wi ge hrogh her operaion. She is a figher. Ha: No, no, Craig. I was Francis. Craig: Oh, y God! Did he shoo her? I knew i! I od her o say away fro hi! Tha boy has been nohing b robe. Ha: Now, Craig, h... Lois did no have an operaion. Or son Francis did. She js wen down o Aabaa o ook afer hi for awhie. Craig: Oh. We, e Lois I sopped by. Francis: I can' beieve y o issed he ping y caheer in. Maybe I shod ake i o so hey can reinser i when she ges here. Paien: Maybe yo cod, I don' know, sh p abo yor o for haf a second. No one's ha bad. Francis: Hey, I've been sgar-coaing i for yo 'case yo're enfeebed. Lois: Francis! Francis: B yo can js see for yorsef. Lois: Hi, honey. Yo ook erribe! kisses hi Francis: in weak voice: Yo hink ha's going o appease yor gi? ----------------------- Page 4----------------------- Lois: Wha gi? Boy, i's sffy in here. Tha can' be good for yo. Have yo had a bowe oveen? When is he as ie yo oved yor bowes? Francis: Mo... Spanger: Heo! Lois: Who are yo? Spanger: Edwin Spanger. I a coandan of Marin Acadey. Lois: Good for yo. Where's yor eye? Spanger: Pardon? Lois: Do yor ears work? Do yo have soe bsiness wih y son? He needs o res. Spanger: We, I sopped by o pick p yor boy's hoework. Lois: Hoework?! Yo're no giving hi hoework. My son neary os his ife, soehing ha never wod've happened if yo'd aken proper care of hi in he firs pace. Spanger: We, I assre yo, a'a had i no been for Francis' ong hisory of crying wof... Lois: Crying wof? Yo isen o e, yo idio! My chid is sick. He does no need yo arching in here, pffing p yor ches and aking his ife ore iserabe han i aready is. Why don' yo js go pay ary an soewhere ese? Spanger: God, she is agnificen. Paien: Dde, yor o rocks. Sevie: We need... ore orqe! Maco: No, we need a baance beween speed >and orqe. TC: This is grea. I can ake a hge ess, bid a kier robo and Mo's no here o ye a s. I don' even ind having Kreboynes in he hose. Dabney: Do we a wan a direc, coninos inear reaion beween he roary acaor and he robo's ransaiona dispaceen or a I js soe kind of crazy dreaer? Loyd: We, wha abo y design for he poycarbonae body? Sevie: I's a... berfy! Loyd: Correcion: kier berfy. Beaif ye deady. The perfec kiing achine. Maco: I's oo nreiabe. I's go o be ore sipe, ike a sedgehaer... Eraserhead: A sperheaed spike sho o by power charges. ----------------------- Page 5----------------------- Maco: Tha’s no going o be easy... Ha: arriving hoe fro work Wha's his sff? Kreboynes gasp Maco: We were js... sor of... fooing arond wih soe ideas. Ha: Le's have a ook. We... I'd go wih he fae hrower. Tha wod desroy everyhing wihin a en-foo perieer. Of corse, here's a o o be said for ha high-voage probe. Loyd: Sir, before yo conine, I fee I have o enion ha or parens srongy disapprove of his. Sorry, y herapis says i's a copsion. Ha: We, I gess yo shodn' e yor parens, hen. waks off Dabney: Wow. Yor faher's ack of responsibiiy is boh errifying and... oddy hriing. Spanger: I can' apoogize enogh for hese barbaric accoodaions. Yo deserve so ch ore. Lois: Oh, no, his is fine. Why are a he hoe roos booked? Spanger: The A-Aabaa Gay Rodeo is in own again. Hoosexas riding horses and sch. I does wonders for he oca econoy b yo have o figh he crowds for everyhing. If yo're ineresed, I have soe passes. Lois: No, hanks. Spanger: Anoher ie, hen. Bon soir. Lois: Yo know, his roo isn' so bad. The way yo whined abo i I hogh i was going o be a cope of cos and a drain in he foor. Francis: Wha are yo doing? Lois: Yo're sinky. I' giving yo a sponge bah. Francis: Yo're no giving e a sponge bah. Lois: Ars p. Francis groans Js becase yo had srgery is no reason o be a pig. Francis: Mo, did yo know ha I aos died? Lois: Oh, yo did no aos die. Francis: My appendix brs! They had o vac o he conens of y inesines. Yo cod no possiby coprehend he pain ha I was in - ha I a in. Lois: Yeah. I don' know anyhing abo pain, wha, wih for boys oaing 1½ hors of abor. Yo being haf of ha, I igh add. ----------------------- Page 6----------------------- Francis: I' sorry ha I cae o fee firs, Mo. Lois: Tha's okay, honey. I forgave yo years ago. Oh, God, ha aoo. Francis: I ike he aoo, Mo. Lois: Wha is i wih he en in his faiy and aoos? I ook e five years o ge yor faher o brn his off. ooks in his ears Wha, are yo growing poaoes in here? Francis: Dad had a aoo? Lois: Yeah, he p a grea big 'Lois' righ across his rear end. Acay hogh I'd be faered by i. Tha gy was sch a ess when I e hi. Beween he oorcyce and he drinking and he fighing - He was so reckess, i was crazy. Where do yo hink yo boys ge i fro? Francis: Tha doesn' sond ike Dad. Lois: Yeah, we, ha was a ong ie ago. Yor faher has been qie a projec. I spen years honding hi and scoding hi and consany waching hi... B finay I go a ha rebeion righ o of hi. Francis: I can' beieve Dad had a wid side. Lois: We, soeday, yo're going o ee a nice gir. She's going o do he sae hing for yo. hands hi sponge Do yor owers. Maco: Dad? Ha: Oh, hey, son. Maco: Wha are yo doing? Ha: I js hogh I'd hep yo kids o wih yor robo. Yo know, i's aazing how ch yo can ge accopished when yo don' seep a a. I hink we go a ie soehing p or seeve for he copeiion. Maco: Dad? Ha: I know, i's si a ie sow. B wai i I p on he big bade. Maco: TC: We, we js finished he h and fina video of he Shao-Lin Dragon series. We are now officiay desensiized o vioence. Dewey: How any sodas have yo had? I don' know, I don' know, I don' know. Look, I can wrie on y onge. Reese: We can sar in on Monks of Deah. Or ighen hings p wih a ie Sarai Boodfes. knocking on door, i’s he Kreboynes ----------------------- Page 7----------------------- Eraserhead: We've had a voe. We're backing o of he cones. Maco: Wha? Loyd: Yor faher has coandeered his projec and wised i oward his own ad ends. Dabney: We wan or beprins back. Sevie: We can... do his... he easy... way... or... we can... do his... he hard... Maco: Coe on, y dad's in he backyard. Sevie: Way. Maco: Dad? Ha: Hey, boys. Maco: The gys wan heir - are yo soking? Ha: Oh, his? No, I' js... js paying arond. Lisen, don' e yor o, okay? She'd ki e if she fond o. She worked so hard o ge e o sop. Oh, God, how I iss ha woan. Maco: U, he gys wan heir beprins back. Ha: Oh, yeah, hey're over here. I've gone way pas ha. Hey, picre his. A aser-gided bee cannon. Bees sho o wih he precision of a aser. Maco: How wod ha hr a robo? Ha: Oh, coe on, hink. I's no for he robo. I's for he gy conroing he robo. aghs Bzz, zap! Yo're going hoe wih a paqe or a ribbon or whaever crappy award hey give yo for winning. Sevie: This... wi end... bady. Ha: There we go. dog howing, and Ha iiaes i I hear yo, od fea! chckes Yo're no aone. Lois: paying Foosba wih Drew Coe on, coe on, do i for Maa. Coe on, go! cades cheer Oh, coe on, yo're js eing e win, aren' yo? Drew: I' reay no. Lois: I know, I' js rbbing i in. Spanger: aghing Rbbing i in! Finey: Yor o is grea. Francis: This isn' y o. I's an ac. I's soe kind of freaky ind gae she's paying wih e. Any second now her face is going o spi open and she's going o revea hersef for he evi banshee she reay is. ----------------------- Page 8----------------------- Finey: Man, I don' know why she ps p wih yo. Spanger: Anyone for dobes? Lois: Nope. Spanger: A righ, hen. Lois: Francis whees over in his wheechair Oh, hi, honey. Where yo been? Francis: I wan yo o eave. Lois: Wha? Francis: I wan yo o eave. Yo ade yor phony poin. Yo ade e ook ike an idio. Mission accopished. Lois: Yo know wha? I have had i wih yo, iser. Yo have done nohing b bich and oan since I go here and I've been nohing b peasan. Francis: Exacy! Lois: Oh, yo copain when I' peasan and when I' no peasan? There's no winning wih yo. Why don' yo js e e exacy how yo wan e o behave and we' see if ha saisfies yo. Francis: This isn' fair. Yo're aking y pain and yo're wising i ino yor gi rip. Lois: Fine. Why don' I js eave hen? Francis: Fine. Lois: Fine. C o he Wikersons’ hose, where ha is dancing on he abe, wearing his nderpans and a shir on his head. Reese and Dewey are eaing big bs of ice crea. Maco: TC: Mo being gone was fn a firs b his is geing o of conro. eephone rings Pease be Mo. Pease be Mo. Pease be Mo. anwers phone Heo? Ha: grabs phone Heo? Oh. Hi, Mr.Jackson. We, yes I do have a very good reason for no going in o work oday. We, how abo his? I didn' coe o work becase soehow I fe ha eigh hors of joyess, ind-nbing crap js didn' see ike fn. We, I gess we're js going o have o agree o disagree. rips phone o of wa Francis: I hogh yor figh wasn' ni 11:00. Lois: I isn'. Francis: So yo have soe exra ie. Yo wan o... do soehing? ----------------------- Page 9----------------------- Lois: We're in he idde of Aabaa. Wha is here o do? Francis: Gay rodeo's in own. Tha cod be ineresing. Lois: We, if ha's wha yo wan o do. Francis: Look, i isn' reay wha I wan o do. I' rying o be peasan. Lois: We' go. C back o he Wikersons’ hose. The door knocks. Maco: Pease be Mo. opens door Craig. Craig: Js brogh by yor o's paycheck. Te her I' he one ha brogh i by. Maco: Wai. We need yor hep. My dad's going crazy. He hasn' sep in for days. He's soking, he's dancing arond in his nderwear. He's ripping phones o of he was. Yo've go o sop hi. Craig: Don' worry, son. I' hande his. rns o he fridge and grabs food Maco: Wha are yo doing? Craig: Yo don' expec e o acke soehing ike his on an epy soach? o Ha Hey, bddy. Ha: We, we. Wha do we have here? Craig: The boy here says yo cod se soe copany. Ha: I go y sons, we're bonding. Craig: Wha he he is ha hing? Ha: Tha hing is a ie projec we have been working on arond here. A secre, deady projec. Craig: Ha... why don' yo rn off he achine and si down? Ha: Why don' yo sop eing e wha o do? Craig: Why don' yo si down ike I asked yo o? Ha: Look, fas... I don' wan yo arond y hose anyore. Craig: Hey, yo don' go o he fa hing I won' go o he crazy hing. c o Ha siing on Craig’s soach, dring on i. His b near Craig’s face Maco: Dad, c i o! Reese: I's no fnny anyore! Dewey: Leave hi aone! Ha: Say 'nce'! ----------------------- Page 10----------------------- Craig: No! Ha: Js say i. We can sop his righ now wih a ie digniy if yo js say i! Craig: I won' say i! Ha: One sipe word. Craig: Dnce. Ha: Uh-h, yo said 'dnce’. Now yo ha e o say 'nce' in y b. Craig: No! Le e p! Maco: Dad, yo have o sop i! Reese: Dad, no! Ha: Yo're righ. I've go beer hings o do. picks p reoe Maco: Dad, wha are yo doing? Ha: I hink e and Lois Nber Two here are going o go down o work and pay a ie visi o Mr. Jackson's Lexs. Maco: grabs reoe fro Ha Dad, don' ove. Ha: Wha are yo doing? Maco: I' sopping yo fro qiing yor job by hreaening yo wih a kier robo. TC: I wish his fe haf as coo as i sonds. Ha: Js rn i off, Maco. Maco: Sop being crazy. Ha: Js p he reoe down. Yo have no idea wha his achine is capabe of. Maco: Why don' yo js si down? Ha: And why don' yo js p he reoe down? Maco: Dad, pease. Ha: Maco... Craig: Why don' yo boh js sh p?! Craig grabs he reoe and whie he and Ha figh over i, he robo is acivaed Ha: Rn. No kidding. Rn. Craig and he boys bo Oh, no. Ha: covered in bees Ca... ania... conro. Maco: Yo ripped he phone o of he wa. ----------------------- Page 11----------------------- Ha: Go... o... he neighbor. Maco: They won' e s over anyore. Ha: Do... soehing. Maco: Why don' we js a si down and no one wi do anyhing ni Mo ges hoe? Ha: Okay. Francis: I go o say, as far as gay rodeos go his one's prey eneraining. Lois: Are yo sre yo're no ebarrassed o be seen wih yor oher? Francis: Nah.